Duality

When the basis of your relationship with someone is sexual, and particularly when it's an affair, there's a strange sort of familiarity and affection. Emotional ties are not the primary focus, and to some people in some cases, they're considered downright dangerous. You learn intimate sexual things about your lover; fantasies, desires, what turns them on- often these are things that the respective spouses aren't aware of.

On the other hand, many times you don't even have the knowledge that friends would consider basic: favorite food, favorite color, habits, quirks, dreams, and a whole host of other things that just don't always come up in the limited time available, or are purposely not shared to avoid the creation of emotional bonds.

Likewise, the stress and problems you suffer in your regular life generally aren't topics of discussion with your lover; part of the whole reason you keep a lover is to escape from reality for at least a little while.

Working with la homme means that he knows more about me than he might otherwise, and as I deal with a temporary but critical and dangerous problem that can be solved only with cash, he's worried and concerned and involved. I had to talk him out of "sneaking" cash out of his account to give to me. This, from the king of paranoia? I'm new at misbehaving, and even I know this is a bad, horrible, bad, bad idea.

He cares about me. Like really and truly, and no, he's not pretending in order to gain my trust. I'd fuck him whether he cared about me or not, and he knows it.

So. All that said, should I be happy, concerned, or a little of both?


I sent him the pics I was waffling over yesterday and received a great reaction, by the way.