Tuesday

La homme and I have been chatting all day. I'm told that interoffice chat is not monitored by the IT department, and transcripts are not kept on the server. If this is not true, then those IT geeks are getting the show of a lifetime. We are wishing that our minders weren't around, but sadly, they are ever present.

He's getting a little more desperate about this with every exchange, and before I know it, he's informed me that he's coming to my office to stand behind me with the door open, while I pull up our secret photo album on my computer.

Oh, did I not tell you about our photo album? I took the first set of pictures, the ones I was so nervous about, and he liked them so much that my confidence just blossomed. Where the first set was mostly clothed and nothing more than advantageous poses, the sets that followed, well, I'm proud to say that they are porn grade photos. He can't keep them on his work computer, obviously, and his home computer is shared with his wife. I didn't like the idea of keeping "evidence" on any of my hard drives either. So we set up a secure site and I uploaded them there. He can log in and view (but not save or copy) his pictures whenever he wants.

So before I know it, he's standing behind me, and we're looking at these pictures together, talking about which ones are our favorites, which ones he'd like me to take that I haven't, all with the door open. His hand is resting on my shoulder, and everytime I open a picture to full size, he squeezes my shoulder hard enough that it almost hurts. No one is around, and I can see when someone walks up, so I reach behind my chair to make sure these pictures are having the effect I intended. He allows this for much longer than I thought he would, but one of my direct reports is approaching, so I am told to keep my hands to myself.

She's standing in my doorway, and she and I are discussing a mundane detail about her work, all while la homme watches my pictures on a slide show. This makes me so crazy it frightens me. It's the riskiest things- a closed door meeting while my husband is waiting for me out in the parking lot- and now this game- or when he stands in the doorway and holds the door shut most of the way while I flash him- that I love the most.

I thought that entered into this affair because I sorely needed some sexual attention, and had been lusting after la homme for some time. I thought it had to do with he and I, and to a lesser extent, my husband and I. Now I'm left wondering if there is something else that draws me in. Do I actually like being "bad" for the sake of being "bad"? If this opportunity came up with someone that I found attractive but was not as attracted to as la homme, would I have taken it? Before Tuesday, I would have told you no. Now I'm not so sure.

coco